FINALLY!!!! Finally we have a hashtag that can allow women to collectively sum up our experience in a male driven, male oriented world and say “Yes! We all have these issues! Feminism is not a few women here and there being extra vocal about things we perceive as “wrong” to which we are simply “too sensitive”. The fact that you can think that is why we are here!”
Because yes all women have had at least one moment of sheer terror while walking down the street or driving alone late at night or hearing the doorbell ring at a time when it can’t be anything good.
Yes all women have been out with friends and had a man harass them, either because he was drunk and thought it was funny or because he thought he was entitled to her or because he really just didn’t accept that no means no.
Yes all women have been leered at when we wear things appropriate for summer weather or sneered at for being comfortable in our own skins and not needing to be dolled up and “pretty” all the time.
Yesall women are taught that we are supposed to feel guilty when something happens to us, even though it isn’t our fault. We are taught that it is our fault, society says it is our fault.
And that’s really the root of the problem: society says women are responsible for the actions of men towards us. Even when we dress sensibly — perhaps a knee length or longer loose fitting skirt and loose bohemian blouse that doesn’t show our curves with comfortable shoes and our hair in a messy bun — we are responsible for what that man does to us. We shouldn’t have worn a skirt, we shouldn’t have worn that blouse. It is not our fault!!! I have no more control over that man than he has over himself, nor does any other woman.
I refuse to hate men, because the truth of the matter is, there are some very good men out there, responsible, respectable, respectful, caring, honest, kind men who are just as disgusted by the animalistic actions of those of their peers who are unable or unwilling to control it as we women are. Those good men seek to help women, to be true friends to women, and to remind us that one bad apple does not a bad barrel make, regardless of the saying.
Sex is great, and can be a marvelous connection between two consenting adults. But this whole societal view of sexualizing everyone and worshipping the male sex drive, encouraging young men to become “man whores” and sleep around and have sex to have sex instead of connect, while telling young women that sleeping with anyone is bad, very bad and that showing a man you love him by sleeping with him before marrying him makes you a whore, and that having sex to have sex and not for a romantic connection makes you a slut and you deserve to get raped or something is bull. Shit. I’m sorry but just because I’m female I can’t have sex with a guy I find super attractive and have no strings attached? But my brother can do that with a girl, who will then get called nasty names as he and his buddies brag about their sexual conquests and get called things like “stud” and “babe magnet”?
Double standards aren’t cool, and personally, I’m tired of society telling me that my sex drive is a bad thing, that my desire to go out and just lose myself in someone else and mutual exploration of each others’ bodies and forget the world for a while and just feel…is wrong. granted, I’m not the type to just have sex willy-nilly and I’m a hopeless romantic. But for the sake of my friends who just like sex and can have sex with people to whom they have no romantic attachments and who see sex as what it truly is — a physical pleasure — I wish for society to shut up and just enjoy.
I want the world to just slip away in the moment. Maybe we all just need to do some yoga, breathe and relax. But loosen up.